A senior

 Alexis Noelle Brough
Senior 2016

"Daughter"

I look back in time,

Young and very innocent

Seeing the world through your eyes

Memories I hold safe in my heart

To sometimes unwrap with a smile

and the comfort of a sigh

Now my little girl is grown,

A woman you have become

With the wisdom and strength God has given

Is tranquility I feel knowing that anything

you will overcome

This strength and warmth

of heart I see in you

I know will lay no boundaries

For the world is yours to have sweetheart.....

To hold in your hands,

each moment to appreciate and seize

I am there for eternity,

If only in thought

A place you can come to as you feel you need.

I am standing in the shadows allowing you 

to grow and learn

Holding onto the knowledge that 

with your heart,

you will succeed.

It is your strength and kind heart about you that shines.....

As a single ray of sunlight beaming through a cloud

insisting we look higher and higher

To lift us up when we are down.

It is this my daughter in you

that I do admire."

~L.J. Myers~

Photos courtesy:  www.elisabethcarol.com

Do you find understanding in your church about ADHD?

My intention in writing this post is certainly not to accuse or complain. But I want to point out an observation I've made throughout the years that rather bothers me and I really have no good answers to it.

In our churches, the claim is made, and rightfully so, that God and His Word (the Bible) have all the answers for all the problems of mankind. But from my experience over nearly 40 years of church attendance in several different denominations is that church leaders across the country have absolutely no idea how to address the needs of families with children who have special needs whether they be physical handicaps or neurological differences (i.e. autism, ADHD, asperger's syndrome, etc.). In fact, in some cases, there seems to be a denial that some of these conditions even exist. They are brushed off as bad parenting, a poor home environment, a lack of education, a spiritual problem in the life of the child, or a need for even more discipline.

Let me make some clarifications at this point, if I may:

1. I am NOT excusing a child who does have one of these conditions to use it as an excuse for intentional bad behavior, nor am I excusing parents who just won't address behavior issues in their children.
2. I am also aware that there are definitely some churches who are seeing this as a tremendous need in their congregations, and are taking amazing steps to meet those needs.

In the informal "poll" that I did of parents with ADHD children, they ALL stated that not only does their church NOT have any kind of support group or training classes for parents living with such issues, they expressed a tremendous lack of compassion and understanding on the part of church leaders and teachers, and that their children are being kicked out of Sunday School classes and Youth Groups because of their child's behavior!! My response....

WHAT???

Now being the wife of a man who was formerly a youth pastor, I'm all too familiar with the frustrations and challenges of working with many different teenagers from a variety of backgrounds with never enough volunteer youth workers to help shoulder the responsibility. Plus the parents of these teenagers who have their own set of expectations for what their child should have available to them in the way of activities, teaching, and support, and who rarely lack an abundant supply of criticisms if things aren't done they way the think they should be or if they see an obvious weakness in the man leading this youth group.

Nevertheless, my observation is this:

I am finding that most of the training, support, and treatment options for such issues as ADHD come from SECULAR sources. Why are the Christian colleges and universities graduating elementary and secondary teachers and Bible majors who are moving into church ministries not being taught that ADHD (among other neurological "impairments") is a very real brain disorder. It is the root of the cause of so many behavior issues and that they are management techniques that help these children perform better. Why is there such a huge gap in resources, support groups, and counseling that come from a BIBLICAL worldview rather than a secular worldview.

I'm not out to bash counseling that does not come from a Bible point-of-view, but that is what I prefer for my family and what I know hundreds of families would love to have? Why can't we go to our church FAMILY for support and lack of judgement when our children are running around seemingly "out-of-control?" I wonder if those in our churches understand really how exhausting it is to have a child with these issues? I wonder if they understand that we've have tried all the charts, and games, and making of every list under the sun, and doctors, and supplements, and spankings, and reading endless numbers of books, and we're exhausted!!! Remember, these children don't seem to need as much sleep!! If they ever do sleep, it's only for a few hours at a time. When they wake up.....they hit the ground RUNNING!!

So we take them to church, as we are supposed to do, and hear things like:

"That child just needs to be spanked more."

Excuse me here again.....but that is a heartless statement spoken by a person truly ignorant of the brain differences in the child with ADHD!! Have you ever spanked a child who has neurological disorders? Have you ever seen how they completely misinterpret it and it sets them off even more into a rampage and gets worse if you try to spank them some more?

"You should try.......(insert here your discipline technique, chart, supplement)."

Then just wait until your child walks out of their classroom upset because in their mind they were "good" and had been sitting still and listened, and were meeting the criteria, 
but they did not win "best boy or best girl" yet AGAIN or EVER.

Again, I certainly don't intend to accuse or complain, I just am making observations that are becoming ever more crystal clear to me.

On a more positive note, I have a few suggestions:

Church leaders should take this seriously,
 and realize that their churches have lots of families 
dealing with this on a daily basis
 who are exhausted and looking for answers and support.

Christian colleges and universities should better equip their future teachers 
to know how to manage these students and help 
to educate the parents FROM SCRIPTURE how

to balance their lives and families with these extenuating challenges.

Church leaders should understand the need for and allow the start of support groups

and services within the church to families living with children who have neurological dfferences.

Church leaders should offer training to teachers and youth leaders to know how to better address the needs of these children as well as how to manage the classroom with them.

Church leaders should encourage the members of their congregations to be aware of this growing problem and to be willing to offer themselves as "mentors" for these children. A mentor is one

that sits with that child in his class to encourage appropriate behavior, and gives the parent an opportunity for one or two hours a week to be spiritually refreshed and taught. The mentor keeps in contact with that child throughout the week and encourages him, and even invites him to go out for some special activity further giving the parent a break from the daily stress of managing him/her. These children do so well hearing positive things, especially from those outside their family.

"But we just don't have enough people in our church who would need
this kind of ministry."

And why do you think that is?
To quote one of my husband's favorite baseball movies,
"If you build it, they will come."

Finally, ADHD is NOT a "spiritual problem."
It's a real learning difference.
They simply learn differently, that's all.
They are desperate to be understood.
To be seen for the great things they CAN do,
and not for the things they can't (like sit still, or write, or be constantly quiet.)
They need love, and grace.
Everything that Jesus offers.
Let them SEE Jesus in you!!

Update: Still using Intuniv

Life can be strangling when you're 13.

It can choke the very breath out of you.

People expect more from you.

More responsibility, more output in your schoolwork, more leadership.

When you think you're stupid, it can be very worrisome.

When things come at you faster than you can process them,

and you can tell that those around you get it,

but you don't,

you try really hard to fit in,

and not stand out

To not be noticed.

As the parent, it's very hard to watch your child struggle.

Oh, there have been definitive victories over the last several years:

An increased ability to feel comfortable in social circles 

and to have lovely, interactive conversations with adults.

Better self control when facing consequences for poor decisions.

Approaching parents (but only parents) for a hug at the end of the day.

Staying focused when working one-on-one with a tutor and progressing in schoolwork.

Some days are so good that you wonder if it's really necessary

for him to continue taking the medication that's helping him manage 

his hyperactivity and impulsivity.

The long-term implications of taking any kind of medication for an extended

period of time is not well understood.

Why take it when you don't need to?

But when you try to wean him off (several different times), 

he can definitly tell the difference.

On the first day, you hardly notice a difference.

But by day 3 without the medication, anxiety levels are higher.

You notice he's pacing the house more.

He's much more irritable and antagonizes his siblings nearly relentlessly.

He reminds you every night that you NEED to go get his prescription refilled.

He needs it.

There is much less peace in the house.

Even the pediatrician, at his yearly check-up, suggests that it would be fine

for him to continue taking this.

That this particular medication, Intuniv, is not a stimulant,

it's not understood to be addictive.

So we are continuing with a 3 mg. dose.

Yes, you never know the long-term implications.

But when diet changes (including complete avoidance of dyes and HFCS)

are nearly impossible to afford or enforce because of resistance

and what seems to be sensory issues,

you consider other options.

Last year, regular use of essential oils became an alternative.

Though he has his favorites, and there are definitely some that help him,

particularly in the areas of calming, none have brought him

that clarity of mind and peacefulness like this medication.

So, here we are.

A new school year.

A successful 1200-mile road-trip with your Mom and two sisters during summer break under your belt.

It wasn't too bad, was it?

You stuck closer to your Mom than ever before especially when we went

places that you had never experienced before.

But you tried new things, met new people,

and are moving on.

To read even more about the strategies we have tried with our son, what has worked,

and what has not.....go HERE.

Food Preparation I Class

Last year, our family participated in beginning a brand new homeschooling program right around the corner from our home at our former church.  It has been an amazing answer to prayer for us!!

We have a daily half-day program from 8:00 am to 12:30 pm that utilizes the ACE (or School of Tomorrow) Pace Curriculum for most core subjects, and we offer a few electives for the high schoolers.  There is a "learning-to-read" class for the Kindergarten and 1st graders, as well as Math and Reading supplemental activities.  What we don't finish there, we finish at home!

One of the extra fun perks for me is that I get to teach a high school elective course.
Never, in-a-million-years, would you have been able to convince me that I would enjoy that, but it has been an absolute blast!
Last year, I taught Beginning Speech and Drama, and this year I'm teaching a Family and Consumer Science Course with emphasis on "Beginning Food Preparation" this semester and "Sewing and Crafts" next semester.

We are having so much fun learning how to read recipes and to prepare enough servings of the recipes for all who will be sampling, and experimenting with new flavors and ingredients.

The girls really enjoy learning how to garnish and serve their dishes in an appetizing way.

I love having the time to teach my own daughters in this class in a bigger space than our own kitchen and in the company of other girls as well!

The best part is sampling all the different recipes that each of the girls chose out of their cookbook.

I'm really excited about the opportunity we have in a few weeks to prepare a Thanksgiving meal for the senior citizens of this church!  More pictures to come!!!

Come apart, before you come apart!

One of my favorite things to participate in every fall is our

annual Ladies Retreat with my church lady friends!

Oh my goodness!

What a blessing it is to get away with long-time friends to refresh and relax,

and to make new friends.

My spirit is always revived and I my heart is always encouraged.

I come home a better person, a better Mom.

The road to the retreat is often challenging and difficult.

The days just before it are always incredibly busy with meal, laundry, transportation, 

and school preparation.

Sometimes the stress of it makes me want to just say, "Forget it.  It's not worth all this."

And many years there has been a minor catastrophe at home while I'm away that requires

my husband's intervention no matter how much I try 

to make everything as simple as possible for him.

This year it was this:

Garrett had somehow gotten into some poison ivy and Wednesday morning he

woke up with a mild rash on his face.  I had treated it with all the poison ivy treatments we

had in our home (since we've learned that Abby is highly allergic to it as well) including

oils, creams, and benadryl.

I left Thursday morning for the retreat and left instructions on what to give him and to watch

for his eyes.

The above picture is what I received on Friday morning.

Fortunately, my husband "just happened" to get that day off (which he never gets in the middle

of his shirt and on two day's notice) so he ran him to our pediatrician.

Daddy always handles the crisis like a hero!!

My roomie!!

My sweet friend who I don't get to see enough who also made 

this lovely candle for me!!!

A sweet new friend

These ladies are long-time, very dear friends who I only get to see

but once or twice a year!!

Our speaker this year was Beth Lynch (pictured in the middle).

Her multi talented musician husband came also and the two of them performed

a lovely, sacred concert of piano and voice!
What a treat!!

They are pictured with my amazing, homeschooling, piano playing, vegan cooking

Mama extraordinaire friend from my church!!

Mrs. Beth Lynch reminded us that everything we do today is preparing for something in the future:
"This day for that day."
Our lives are more than just a journey.

We have a purpose and there are "precepts for the journey."

"When I obey what I know to be God's precepts today,

He will reveal more of His will tomorrow."

One of my favorite nuggets she gave us was:
"When you get into "Pity Party Pit"

the best thing you can do is go find somebody with a need

and help them!"

Our hearts were filled with scripture and joy by the end of our retreat

and we returned home with renewed courage and hope to

staying faithful to our individual callings and walks with the Lord!!

 Ladies Retreat with Worth Baptist Church 2015

Pumpkin Patch 2015

It was a bit of a last minute trip this year, but we made our annual trek to our favorite pumpkin patch recently.

It's always more fun with a friend!

This guy volunteered to help me haul our lunch from our parking spot so far away.
It was really warm!

We're missing a few this year.
My older daughters feel they are getting a little "too old" for the pumpkin patch,

and the oldest had to work anyway.

My husband's schedule didn't work with our last minute plans.

Picture proof that we've done some growing this past year!!!