Growing up: Going off Intuniv

It has been a good minute since I've talked about this guy.
He is so precious to his Dad and I, but my goodness, the things

we have had learn since he joined our family.

He has easily been our most challenging.

The one who brought the most tears and frustration to the table.

The one who struggled the most in our homeschool.

When we had him evaluated several years ago for learning differences,

it was a relief to learn that all we were dealing with

was ADHD - Combined.
I did a lot of research and came up with all kinds

of issues we could "possibly" be working with,

but thankfully, it wasn't as big a deal as I feared.
I cavalierly thought we could manage his emotional outbursts

and terribly aggravating impulsivity issues by ourselves,

with our "magnificent" parenting techniques.
We tried so many things to bring peace to our household,

and to his inner anxieties without medication.
It was just too much with 5 other kids (the oldest with

ADHD - Type 1, and another with Type 1 Diabetes)

to handle on our own.

We researched and prayed, and decided to try a non-stimulant

ADHD medication called Intuniv.
You can read about our journey with this here.
What a terrific tool this was for our family and for our son.

He was on this medication for several years and did so well on it

that I began wondering if it was time to take him off of it.
You can read about that journey in the links above.
He just wasn't ready for it.
But he's 16 now.

He is much more mature and has had clearly better brain development

to take another look at getting off of it for good.

He sleeps much better now, and is focusing so well on his school work

that we've seen a dramatic improvement in his output.

He is much more confident in social settings,
and was even able to talk to complete strangers on a flight this summer

during our missions trip and to lead them to Jesus Christ as their Savior.

Talk about victory!!

Talk about Mama tears!!

So this summer we had a conversation with him.

I pointed out all the good strides he has made over the last couple of years,

and asked him if would consider going off of it.

He agreed.

We visited with the pediatrician several weeks later who eagerly

approved our endeavor to get him off.

We kept the leftover that we had just in case he felt he needed

to wean off slowly, but there was no need.

He went off cold-turkey with absolutely no problem.

No disruption in his sleep.

No disruption in his ability to focus on schoolwork when necessary.

We have had to remind him that his behavior

reaches annoying levels sometimes,

but he very compliantly makes the adjustment and we move on!

I am happy to announce that this marks the end of an era for our family.

No more posts on Intuniv.

It is finished.

That part of the battle is over.

And we thank God for what He is doing in this young man's heart!!

God has driven us to our knees more times than I can count begging

for wisdom in how to guide, correct, and teach our son,

and He has done marvelous things in our eyes!!!

Common, yet little spoken of, issues accompanying ADHD

It has been awhile since I've talked about ADHD at length.  This is a topic near and dear to my heart as two of my children have been officially diagnosed with this.
In the early part of 2010, I spent much time blogging about it, and what we were doing as a family to accommodate this learning/social difference. 
Because it has to be that.  
A whole family approach.
Especially if yours is a homeschooling family such as ours.
Recently, I believe the Lord has been quietly showing me some other issues that are at play as well since we began this journey nearly 7 years ago.
But in reality, it started at their birth.
It just took us this long to figure out what was really going on.
The following is a repost from one of my earlier blogs that has been edited to reflect the current ages of my children:

 
"Recently, I was talking with some friends in my church who also have ADHD children. I was asking them if they have seen similar things in their children that we have been dealing with for years. We have gotten so used to them, that we have just chalked them up to the quirks that every child possesses. But the more I saw the similarities in these other children, the more I began thinking that maybe these are characteristic of all children with ADHD.

So, I did an informal poll of some families on an ADHD forum that I'm casually involved with, and VOILA.....wouldn't ya know it......almost all of the responses I received said, "YES!! We struggle with almost every one of those!!" So I'm going to ask you, if you are a parent of an ADHD child......do you see these things in your children? I can guarantee you that you will not find them in a formal list of "typical" symptoms that you will read in your Pediatrician's office nor online at any website that discusses this issue. I think that these are just things that you realize are there after YEARS of dealing with it. Here's the list:

Do your children:

1. Have sleep issues? Whether they don't fall asleep quickly, or wouldn't be bothered if they stayed up all night, or wake up at weird times fully awake and wake you up or do stuff in their rooms?? How do you handle that??
2. Prefer (almost crave) being outside? Do you have to bolt the door shut with extra locks to keep them from just going outside without your permission? Do they seem calmer when they come inside?
3. Have an almost unusual love for animals. Like it consumes them?
4. Have issues at almost every meal about what is put in front of them? Can you tell that certain textures bother them? Or certain smells or they way something looks? If it looks like something alive, can you tell they just won't eat it? How do you handle that?
5. Think or at least verbalize that everyone "hates" them?
6. Just say disrespectful things to you (or other adults) like a "knee-jerk" reaction even though they have been taught it is wrong, understand it is wrong, and seem to not really mean what they say?
7. Enjoy time on the computer, but could take-or-leave the TV?? Would they stay on the computer as long as you would let them, but not in front of the TV?
8. Have a special memory or sentiment attached to EVERY little thing they've ever owned? Is it hard for your child to throw stuff away?
9. Rarely seem like he/she gets sick?? If everyone in our family is down with a bug and exhausted and needing to just be in bed and quiet, my son is still bouncing off the walls bugging us. If he does come down with something, it only lasts like 12 hours or less.....He has NEVER been on an antibiotic of any kind for anything....he's 14.
10. Not need as much affection as your other children? I remember my oldest daughter always pushing away from me even as a baby at bedtime instead of being a snuggly one. To this day, she rarely comes to me for a hug or any kind of physical affection. My son tolerates discipline better if I pull him to me and talk softly, and wipe off the tears and rub his face, and hug him a little. But that's about it. He rarely approaches me, but will calm way down if I put my face close to him or hug him, etc.
11. Seem to have a gift for creativity? Like just creating stuff out of nothing? For example, my daughter (ever to hate throwing things away) has gone through the neighbors trash on trash day, and pulled junk out to make "things" out of it. She used to constantly tie "things" to other "things". I couldn't keep socks in her drawers because she was always tying them up to make "rag dolls" she called them, or whatever else she needed to join stuff together. Drove me crazy!!! I'm hoping someday she will actually make something useful. I did enroll her at JoAnn Fabrics for a jewelry making class several years ago in which she excelled and  made beautiful pieces. But she didn't stick with that for long, of course, and kept leaving all her supplies out so all the younger siblings were messing with it. Now we're on to the next thing.
12. Have issues with authority figures?  Particularly their relationship with their father?

I've been doing a lot more reading about ADHD here recently, and came upon the term "neurologically impaired" when referring to this issue along with several other different brain differences. It makes sense to me that learning that ADHD is a REAL issue, a REAL differential in the structure and function of their brains, that these other things that are so sensory in nature would naturally be a problem.

But I never really like the term "handicapped" or "impaired". You see, I serve a BIG God. I believe in and live for a God who loves each of my children and created each one of them with a special purpose and design. Each one of them has God's fingerprints on them, just in different ways. They each have their own unique "mark of ownership."   I don't believe they are "impaired" or "handicapped". Challenged maybe, but aren't we all? I prefer to look at the great things each of my children has the potential to reach, not the things that could potentially hold them back. These issues my children live with also come with amazing gifts not given to everyone else. So what if my child is not going to win the Scripps National Spelling Bee? So what, if my child is not going to be an academic star? So what, if my child will NEVER or RARELY get a 100% on her math test? Does that mean God can't use him or her? I believe the answer to that question is unequivocally, "NO!"  

Do you find understanding in your church about ADHD?

My intention in writing this post is certainly not to accuse or complain. But I want to point out an observation I've made throughout the years that rather bothers me and I really have no good answers to it.

In our churches, the claim is made, and rightfully so, that God and His Word (the Bible) have all the answers for all the problems of mankind. But from my experience over nearly 40 years of church attendance in several different denominations is that church leaders across the country have absolutely no idea how to address the needs of families with children who have special needs whether they be physical handicaps or neurological differences (i.e. autism, ADHD, asperger's syndrome, etc.). In fact, in some cases, there seems to be a denial that some of these conditions even exist. They are brushed off as bad parenting, a poor home environment, a lack of education, a spiritual problem in the life of the child, or a need for even more discipline.

Let me make some clarifications at this point, if I may:

1. I am NOT excusing a child who does have one of these conditions to use it as an excuse for intentional bad behavior, nor am I excusing parents who just won't address behavior issues in their children.
2. I am also aware that there are definitely some churches who are seeing this as a tremendous need in their congregations, and are taking amazing steps to meet those needs.

In the informal "poll" that I did of parents with ADHD children, they ALL stated that not only does their church NOT have any kind of support group or training classes for parents living with such issues, they expressed a tremendous lack of compassion and understanding on the part of church leaders and teachers, and that their children are being kicked out of Sunday School classes and Youth Groups because of their child's behavior!! My response....

WHAT???

Now being the wife of a man who was formerly a youth pastor, I'm all too familiar with the frustrations and challenges of working with many different teenagers from a variety of backgrounds with never enough volunteer youth workers to help shoulder the responsibility. Plus the parents of these teenagers who have their own set of expectations for what their child should have available to them in the way of activities, teaching, and support, and who rarely lack an abundant supply of criticisms if things aren't done they way the think they should be or if they see an obvious weakness in the man leading this youth group.

Nevertheless, my observation is this:

I am finding that most of the training, support, and treatment options for such issues as ADHD come from SECULAR sources. Why are the Christian colleges and universities graduating elementary and secondary teachers and Bible majors who are moving into church ministries not being taught that ADHD (among other neurological "impairments") is a very real brain disorder. It is the root of the cause of so many behavior issues and that they are management techniques that help these children perform better. Why is there such a huge gap in resources, support groups, and counseling that come from a BIBLICAL worldview rather than a secular worldview.

I'm not out to bash counseling that does not come from a Bible point-of-view, but that is what I prefer for my family and what I know hundreds of families would love to have? Why can't we go to our church FAMILY for support and lack of judgement when our children are running around seemingly "out-of-control?" I wonder if those in our churches understand really how exhausting it is to have a child with these issues? I wonder if they understand that we've have tried all the charts, and games, and making of every list under the sun, and doctors, and supplements, and spankings, and reading endless numbers of books, and we're exhausted!!! Remember, these children don't seem to need as much sleep!! If they ever do sleep, it's only for a few hours at a time. When they wake up.....they hit the ground RUNNING!!

So we take them to church, as we are supposed to do, and hear things like:

"That child just needs to be spanked more."

Excuse me here again.....but that is a heartless statement spoken by a person truly ignorant of the brain differences in the child with ADHD!! Have you ever spanked a child who has neurological disorders? Have you ever seen how they completely misinterpret it and it sets them off even more into a rampage and gets worse if you try to spank them some more?

"You should try.......(insert here your discipline technique, chart, supplement)."

Then just wait until your child walks out of their classroom upset because in their mind they were "good" and had been sitting still and listened, and were meeting the criteria, 
but they did not win "best boy or best girl" yet AGAIN or EVER.

Again, I certainly don't intend to accuse or complain, I just am making observations that are becoming ever more crystal clear to me.

On a more positive note, I have a few suggestions:

Church leaders should take this seriously,
 and realize that their churches have lots of families 
dealing with this on a daily basis
 who are exhausted and looking for answers and support.

Christian colleges and universities should better equip their future teachers 
to know how to manage these students and help 
to educate the parents FROM SCRIPTURE how

to balance their lives and families with these extenuating challenges.

Church leaders should understand the need for and allow the start of support groups

and services within the church to families living with children who have neurological dfferences.

Church leaders should offer training to teachers and youth leaders to know how to better address the needs of these children as well as how to manage the classroom with them.

Church leaders should encourage the members of their congregations to be aware of this growing problem and to be willing to offer themselves as "mentors" for these children. A mentor is one

that sits with that child in his class to encourage appropriate behavior, and gives the parent an opportunity for one or two hours a week to be spiritually refreshed and taught. The mentor keeps in contact with that child throughout the week and encourages him, and even invites him to go out for some special activity further giving the parent a break from the daily stress of managing him/her. These children do so well hearing positive things, especially from those outside their family.

"But we just don't have enough people in our church who would need
this kind of ministry."

And why do you think that is?
To quote one of my husband's favorite baseball movies,
"If you build it, they will come."

Finally, ADHD is NOT a "spiritual problem."
It's a real learning difference.
They simply learn differently, that's all.
They are desperate to be understood.
To be seen for the great things they CAN do,
and not for the things they can't (like sit still, or write, or be constantly quiet.)
They need love, and grace.
Everything that Jesus offers.
Let them SEE Jesus in you!!

Update: Still using Intuniv

Life can be strangling when you're 13.

It can choke the very breath out of you.

People expect more from you.

More responsibility, more output in your schoolwork, more leadership.

When you think you're stupid, it can be very worrisome.

When things come at you faster than you can process them,

and you can tell that those around you get it,

but you don't,

you try really hard to fit in,

and not stand out

To not be noticed.

As the parent, it's very hard to watch your child struggle.

Oh, there have been definitive victories over the last several years:

An increased ability to feel comfortable in social circles 

and to have lovely, interactive conversations with adults.

Better self control when facing consequences for poor decisions.

Approaching parents (but only parents) for a hug at the end of the day.

Staying focused when working one-on-one with a tutor and progressing in schoolwork.

Some days are so good that you wonder if it's really necessary

for him to continue taking the medication that's helping him manage 

his hyperactivity and impulsivity.

The long-term implications of taking any kind of medication for an extended

period of time is not well understood.

Why take it when you don't need to?

But when you try to wean him off (several different times), 

he can definitly tell the difference.

On the first day, you hardly notice a difference.

But by day 3 without the medication, anxiety levels are higher.

You notice he's pacing the house more.

He's much more irritable and antagonizes his siblings nearly relentlessly.

He reminds you every night that you NEED to go get his prescription refilled.

He needs it.

There is much less peace in the house.

Even the pediatrician, at his yearly check-up, suggests that it would be fine

for him to continue taking this.

That this particular medication, Intuniv, is not a stimulant,

it's not understood to be addictive.

So we are continuing with a 3 mg. dose.

Yes, you never know the long-term implications.

But when diet changes (including complete avoidance of dyes and HFCS)

are nearly impossible to afford or enforce because of resistance

and what seems to be sensory issues,

you consider other options.

Last year, regular use of essential oils became an alternative.

Though he has his favorites, and there are definitely some that help him,

particularly in the areas of calming, none have brought him

that clarity of mind and peacefulness like this medication.

So, here we are.

A new school year.

A successful 1200-mile road-trip with your Mom and two sisters during summer break under your belt.

It wasn't too bad, was it?

You stuck closer to your Mom than ever before especially when we went

places that you had never experienced before.

But you tried new things, met new people,

and are moving on.

To read even more about the strategies we have tried with our son, what has worked,

and what has not.....go HERE.

How does God see my ADHD child?

In the past I have mentioned that I believe my Heavenly Father has a purpose for each of my children. I believe that each and every human being is created by a Master Creator and has been given a divinely appointed purpose for their life.

"Then the word of the Lord came unto me, saying,

'Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee;

and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee,

and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.'"

Jeremiah 1:5

I love how the prophet, Jeremiah, relates to us that the Lord God had a plan for him even before he was born. Many, many people walk this planet with no knowledge of a God who loves them and has a specific purpose for their life, and they believe that they are here just to live it up, make money, and die. What a hopeless, miserable life that would be. Especially if you are living with an incurable disease, or birth "defect", or syndrome, or disorder of some kind. It offers me GREAT hope for my children. Many places I have read that people who grow up with ADHD have a higher risk for promiscuity, addictions, job losses, divorce, and jail time. But I know that God has a plan for my children.

First and foremost, He loves them and His plan is for their salvation.

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God:"

Romans 3:23

"For the wages (payment that must be paid) of sin is death (eternal);

but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Romans 6:23

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,

and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead,

thou shalt be saved.

"For whosoever (put your name there) shall call upon the name of the Lord

shall be saved."

Romans 10:9,13

Second, His plan is that they honor and glorify Him because of what He did for them through salvation.

"For we are His workmanship,

created in Christ Jesus for good works,

which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God,

that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God,

which is your reasonable service."

Romans 12:1

Third, He will use ANYONE!!

"But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise;

and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

and base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen,

yea and the things which are not, to bring to naught things that are:"

I Corinthians 1:27,28

"But the Lord said unto Samuel,

Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature;

because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth;

for man looketh on the outward appearance,

but the Lord looketh on the heart."

I Samuel 16: 7

I'm so encouraged by that last Scripture verse, because it is right out of the story of the man this post is named for. David is one of my very favorite Bible characters and I always hoped I would be able to name one of my sons after him. In the last several days, I have been thinking about and reading through the story of David and have found such tremendous encouragement!!!

When you read through the list of issues in my previous post that children with ADHD are challenged or gifted with every day, I can see so many of those characteristics in young David.

I'm certainly not saying that David had ADHD, nor am I saying that the stories of him that clearly show the miraculous power of Almighty God through him can be explained away or attributed to the side effects of a neurological disorder. But what I AM saying is that it is so encouraging to see that even though David had his weaknesses and struggles in life, that He was called "a man after God's own heart." Even though my children may look like they have insurmountable problems, God can use them too......in ways I can never imagine.

Just look at this story of David and the Giant, Goliath, from I Samuel 17:

1. vs. 20 "And David rose up early in the morning"......(don't all ADHD boys wake up early and hit the ground running?)
2. vs. 20 "...and left the sheep with a keeper......(David loved being outdoors most of the time working with animals; he was a shepherd)
3. vs.20 "....and took and went, as Jesse had commanded him; and he came to the trench, as the host was going forth to the fight, and shouted for the battle. (my ADHD son LOVES to be shouting and playing war games and seeing anything exciting like that)
4. vs. 22 "And David left his carriage in the hand of the keeper of the carriage and ran into the army..."(always running)
5. vs. 23 Goliath (the giant warrior of the enemy Philistine army) shows up and starts talking trash to the Israelite army where David's brothers were. All the Israelite soldiers run in fear and David turns his head as they run by and he says, "...who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?" (Funny how our ADHD children say exactly what they think of people even when it makes us cringe)
6. vs. 28 So his oldest brother gets upset at David when he hears him questioning the soldiers about Goliath...."and Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said, 'Why camest thou down here? and with who did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle?" (Can't you just imagine that response from the older brother of a boy with ADHD? Again, not saying that David did, but it's interesting to imagine that?)
7. vs. 32 So David goes and tells the king of Israel, Saul, not to worry, that he (David) would fight the giant himself. (ADHD=Risk-takers)
8. vs. 37 "David said moreover, The Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine." (my ADHD daughter often has a vision of what she wants to accomplish and is undeterred by the obstacles in front of her)
9. vs. 40 "And he took his staff in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd's bag which he had, even in a scrip; and his sling was in his hand; and he drew near to the Philistine." (ADHD children so think outside of the box; they creatively come up with unlikely solutions to problems)
10. Of course, we know that David killed Goliath with God's help by outsmarting him and using the skills he had been honing while outside with the sheep, and he eventually ended up living in the palace of the king which prepared him for being king one day......who would've thought?

Some other correlations I see between the life of David and the person living with ADHD:

• He seemed to love being outdoors whether as a shepherd or a warrior.
• He was both musically gifted and a poetic genius.
• He was quick on his feet and had to run for his life several times.
• He seemed to be a charming, engaging person.
• He seemed to be somewhat impulsive at times, but especially in his lust and ensuing sin with Bathsheba, and then in the consequential murder of Bathsheba's husband.
• He had a kind heart. He spared the life of Saul 2 different times when he went after David to kill him.

"And when he (God) had removed him (Saul), he raised up unto them David to be their king;

to whom also he gave testimony, and said,

'I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfill all my will.

Of this man's seed (David's) hath God according to his promise raised unto Israel a Saviour,

Jesus."

Acts 13: 22,23

I just love that Jesus is not referred to in the Bible as the "Son of Abraham" or the"Son of Jacob", but as the "Son of David."

God chose David to be linked to Jesus.

Luke 3:23-31,32-38

Now who's to say that this same God doesn't have a plan for my children too??

A very long overdue update on our journey with "Intuniv"

Five years ago, my husband and I came to a crossroads.
We were struggling in our relationship with our son, who was 8 years old at the time.
It was not something new.
On the contrary, we had struggled with this little fellow nearly his entire life.
But by 2009 things had come to a head and I was desperate for help.
After much prayer and consultation with a plethora of people, professional and close friends,
we made the difficult decision to put our son on a non-stimulant medication to help manage his ADHD.
You can read more about the circumstances and the considerations that were involved in making this decision here.

There was quite a learning curve involved with this medication, and I spent a lot of time blogging about it.
If you're interested in reading through how he adjusted and then how our family needed to adjust to his calmer behavior, you can read through my posts about it here.

Since we began him on this medication in early 2010, several things have changed.
First of all, he has gotten bigger.  As he has grown, the medication is absorbed in his body differently.
He will be 13 next month.
We've changed the dosage several times.
We started at the lowest dose of 1 mg., and moved up from there.
At one point he was maxed out at the highest dose available of 4 mg. {considered the adult dose}
During one of his annual physicals {which our pediatrician requires because of the kind of drug it is},
I mentioned to him wanting to take him off all together because I wasn't really convinced it was doing much to help him control his impulsivity and hyperactivity.
Our doctor then suggested we might want to try something different as Intuniv was not really meant to be a stand alone drug, but one that was administered along with another stimulant medication.
I did NOT want to go that route with him, but we did try to withdraw from it all together.
It was while we were trying to wean him off that we realized just how much it was actually helping him have that internal control and to feel like he could settle down and not feel unable to control his own body.
Our doctor also recommended that we try giving him his dose at bedtime rather than first thing in the morning as is usually prescribed.
That has been key for us!!
For some reason, it seems to take a long time for this medication to kick in for him, and now he wakes up very calm and able to get right to the tasks at hand.

Eventually we moved back up to 3mg., and that is where we've found a more peaceful place for him.

He does not struggle in falling asleep, and we don't give him melatonin anymore.

I have been learning about the amazing benefits of using essential oils over the last year, so we're trying some new things with oils instead of synthetic sleep aids.

Read about what happened and the strategies we tried here.

We have always had to work at keeping Grant engaged and trying new things.
He has never asked to try something new.
The only thing that he will do for hours on end without being forced to is video or computer games.

His dad and I have learned that we have to present a new activity or idea to him several different times, and let him think about it and get himself ready before he's comfortable with it.
Most times, he blows a bunch of "smoke" {think throwing a fit} about something we would like for him to participate in, and usually once he's there he really enjoys it.
So we've had him play baseball with his good friends in the neighborhood.
 

We've had him involved with our church's mid-week children's programming called "Master Clubs," and we worked really hard to get him through every level successfully.

  

School continues to be an immense struggle for him.
On paper he started the 7th grade this last fall.
He is only working at about a 5/6th grade level at this point.
We are involved in an amazing "homeschool assistance program" this year that has been a miraculous answer to prayer for us, and I'm hoping that by the end of this year he will be working closer to a 7th grade level.
But he still has a long way to go and this is the time of year where he has always struggled the most.
His ability to focus and stay on task dwindles to almost nothing just before spring break.

 

He has had the opportunity to try out basketball in this little schooling program, and no surprise, he isn't wildly crazy about it.
BUT, he does really good at it.
He has some natural ability with it that has surprised us all, and himself as well!!

 

He still struggles with anger issues, being very demanding, not sharing very well, and being able to focus and stay on task in his learning environment.

These are not new issues, and as he is getting older, we are finding that the intensity to which he struggles with these things is decreasing as well.

One area in which he is doing much better in is sensing humor.

When he was younger, he could not interpret when someone was kidding or trying to be funny or if they were being literal.

He never laughed at cartoons because he didn't see any of them as funny.

He also never ever understood when people were just teasing and having fun with him.

He usually just got upset and thought they were "being mean" to him.

But as he has gotten older, he is better understanding appropriate humor and is learning how to laugh at truly funny things.

 

{Valentine's Banquet 2015}

As I mentioned before, I feel that in this journey we are on, the Lord has led us to learn about essential oils.  We've been using them in our home since Christmas time, and they are just wonderful.  I love being able to use natural, God-made, plant-based things in our home to help our bodies heal over synthetic, chemical laden, side-effect producing, man-made products.
I am currently researching different oils that can help with calming and focus and clarity.
We have been experimenting with Cedarwood and Lemon oils.
Like any other strategy you try, it takes time to find the right amounts and time to apply these oils, but Grant is willing to try and interested in learning how to do it himself!!
I will be posting more about essential oils in the near future and what we find works best for our son!

Women's Wellness Wednesday: Avoiding MSG

Several years ago, two of my children were professionally diagnosed with ADHD.

I was quickly overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with the conflicting suggestions to help manage the disruptive behaviors

that accompany this learning difference.

The one suggestion that made the most sense for the long-term was to examine what we were eating

and how it affected their ability to focus and control themselves.

In researching this, a couple things kept coming up:

1. Food preservatives

2.  Food coloring

3.  High Fructose Corn Syrup

There were other things that came up as well, but today I want to address

the preservative MSG.

(Click on the above image to make it larger!)

For more information on processed foods and their affects on children's behavior, read......

Hyper Kids?  Cut out Preservatives

Top 10 Scariest Food Additives

MSG and ADHD

Curriculum choices this year

The last couple of years our homeschool has been pretty chaotic.
It has been so difficult for me to figure out how to meet the educational needs of 5 children all at the same time.
I've tried several different approaches, but nothing I prayed over and tried seemed to really work well.
My oldest daughter and oldest son both have different forms of ADHD, and they manifest this condition in different, frustrating ways.
I have spent the last year begging the Lord for wisdom, and for some sort of educational intervention for me.
I've prayed that the Lord would just lead me to people who could give some suggestions or help in some way, or that He would open a door that would provide some solutions for me.

One day last fall, I was at a very low point.
I knew things had to change, but didn't know what or how to make things change.
"Out-of-the-blue" I saw a tiny billboard at an intersection in our town that I've crossed every week for years now that was advertising a small private school designed specifically for ADHD/Dyslexic students.
I couldn't believe it.
I've lived in this town for over a decade and not one. single. person I know has ever heard of it.
You better believe I called.
The cost is astronomical for our one-income family ($7,000+/year/student), BUT I talked to the administrator on the phone and she was so helpful.
She made some suggestions to me, and I was encouraged.
I also found out that this school offers a Homeschool Umbrella Program.
I thought and thought about that......and I finally called the director of that program in June.
I met with her in July and we're IN!
I am so excited about this opportunity and what that means for my sanity as well as my children's.
You can read about it here.
My three oldest will be participating in this program.
I'm most excited that someone else will be keeping track of my 9th graders high school transcripts!
Our "teacher", Mrs. S. made some very good curriculum suggestions and I was thrilled to go with what she said:

Math - Math-U-See
(In my opinion, the BEST curriculum for teaching math to ADHD students and even better for those who are not.  It makes is so much easier on our whole family!)

English - My oldest girls will be going to a teacher two days a week who will be teaching with ABEKA materials.  My oldest son will be using Easy Grammar, and my two other children will be using ACE Paces.

Social Studies - The oldest 5 will be using ACE Paces.

Science - ACE Paces

Spelling - The oldest two will be covered in the English course, and the others will be using ACE Paces and Spelling City for their tests.

Bible -We're still looking for something for the two oldest, but the 4 youngest will be heavily involved in our church's Master Clubs program on Wednesday evenings.  It's awesome and very thorough in Bible memory and teaching them practical service skills!

Spanish - As an unexpected bonus, my oldest daughter will also get Spanish from the English teacher two days a week.

P.E. - Our goal is 4 hours of P.E. a week.  Swimming and karate classes will be included!

Quilting - My 8 year old really wants to learn quilting from a friend of ours, so she will be starting with her in about a week as well.

Missions - Our oldest daughter, after much prayer and consideration, feels the Lord is leading her to take part in our church's mission trip to the country of Ghana next June.  She will be spending much of the next 9 months preparing for that.  We are very excited about this wonderful opportunity for her!!


If you're not familiar with ACE Paces, I highly recommend them.
I went through an ACE school from 1st to 12th grade (I actually ended up graduating a year early), and had a wonderful experience with them.
Granted, Paces are not for everyone and are particularly difficult for ADHD students because of all the seatwork and amount of pages you complete each day.
But I love that my children can work as quickly as they want and are working independently of me.
I can move among them as they are working and get them through a stuck place and then they are back on their way again.
They enjoy being in control of their mornings, and having more play time in the afternoons!

I'm so excited about what this year holds for us, and for the Lord answering my prayers about intervening on my behalf!!

Oh my!! Time for some updates! Intuniv!

(Celebrating a wonderful first week of

 school with sno-cones!)

I simply canNOT believe how much of a blur my life has become since we started homeschooling again!!
So much so, that it has been nearly a month since I last posted anything here!
There has been a virtual flurry of activity around our home, but I barely I have a moment to breathe before it's the next day!

During this next week, my intention is to post about the wonderful changes we have had in our schooling methods this year!!  The Lord answered my prayers for intervention in a BIG way, and it has made all the difference in the world for my sanity and for the continuity and consistency for my children.

I know that some of my readers here have been wondering how we are doing managing our son's ADHD issues since I talked about taking him off of it this last year.
Well, we didn't.
I can't remember if I mentioned that when we did try to take him off, it was too hard for him.
And for us.
You can indeed see my first post about this here.
After just a few days, he could tell an enormous difference in his hyperactivity levels and ability to control his impulsive behaviors.
After a particularly rough ride to church, he was begging us to get him back on it, and my husband was requesting that we find something else to help him because his behavior was so annoying it was driving us all crazy!
At the time, I was experimenting with taking our son to a chiropractor who is very naturally minded in her approach to treating health problems, and even she could tell our nerves were shot.
It was so helpful to have a professional "give us permission" to put him back on this medication just for peace and calm in our home.
So ever since then, our son has been back on the Intuniv and is much calmer.
Thankfully, he never has had stomach problems with this medication, as I have had several comments here mentioning that in other children.
We have had to change our dosage time though.
We found that if we gave it to him first thing in the morning, it started not really taking affect until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
By then, my nerves were shot, schoolwork was never completed, and our day was miserable.
So after consulting with the doctor, we decided to give it to him around his bedtime.
Voila!
He still wakes up and hits the ground running (literally....throughout our entire tiny house.....with little brother following him.....grrrr), but will sit down and play something quietly on the computer, or a video game, and yes, even do his homework!!
But the other benefit of taking this at night is that it's in his system when he wakes up and helping him think clearer and slower so he can learn and hear us!!
He can tell the difference and likes that he doesn't feel as jumpy.

He also doesn't have a problem falling asleep at night like he does when he's not on the Intuniv.
When he's off of it, he needs Melatonin to calm down and fall asleep.
When he's on it, he falls asleep calmly and quietly.
So there it is......my effort to get him off this drug was an epic fail......
but for the time being.....we're better with it.

He still is angry a lot, he still is ridiculously selfish (over-the-top....way more than my other children),
he is still defiant and mouthy and hateful much of the time, but we feel like we can live with all that because he is waaaaay more teachable......
And he's getting it.
He's progressing in school.
He's getting that there will be consequences for lousy choices and obnoxious behavior.
He's finally beginning to accept and see that we love him and are trying to teach him proper behavior.

He is currently taking the highest dose available (4 mg.).
He's getting bigger too.  He's 10 now.
I don't know what we're going to do when he outgrows this medication completely.

I'm hoping by then, we'll have gotten him to where he can tell what his triggers are and have learned how to deal appropriately with his frustrations and anger and impulsivity.
But I'm praying for him continuously as I know that the Lord can bring peace and victory over his fears and frustrations to his life!

Transparency: Tips for helping the overwhelmed

Let me just start right here by saying the last couple months......ok, who's kidding who.....
the last several YEARS have been extraordinarily difficult for me.
In the fall of 2005, my husband decides to change his career from accountant to police officer.
He gets hired in April of 2006 as a police officer after months of working through the extensive hiring process required for this job.
During this time, we find out we're expecting our 5th baby.
He is born in May of 2006 while my husband is going through police academy.
My husband begins work, on the night shift of course, in the early fall of that same year.
Just as I'm beginning another year of homeschooling 3 children with a toddler and a newborn.
Unexpectedly, we find out we're having our 6th baby in the spring of 2007.
During this time, I was still overseeing the children's ministries at our church, running the Wednesday evening programs for children, coordinating the nursery, and playing the organ.
When I found out I was expecting, I didn't know how I was going to be able to manage everything on my plate.
So I resigned all my positions, and we quietly changed churches.
(There's more to that story than just leaving our church because I had to much to do.....more later.)
That's when our 3rd son started throwing up everytime we went to Sunday morning services.
It was a half hour drive one way.
Our previous church was 3 minutes away from our house.
My husband was still working the night shift during all of this.....on the weekends.
That meant that most of the time, I had 6 children, including a newborn who was born in January of 2008, to get ready, fed and driven to church, by myself.
When you work the night shift, you don't magically go to being awake during the daytime hours on your days off.
But I struggled along.
In January of 2009, our 2nd child {who was not yet 9}became very ill. VERY.
She was diagnosed on February 11, 2009 with Type 1 Diabetes.
What I was struggling with before all that was NO.thing to this.
It was like unexpectedly bringing home a brand new baby again.....but with none of the support and encouragement.
I didn't know how I was going to handle all her needs plus the obvious needs two of my other children had with their schooling.
I felt like I was drowning.
In the summer of that same year, I had these two other children tested and the results helped me feel some relief that I wasn't going clinically insane and that I was not a worthless failure of a parent.
My oldest child, our oldest daughter, was diagnosed ADHD-Inattentive type.
My third child, our oldest son, was diagnosed ADHD-Combined Type.
But they also told us he was struggling with moderate anxiety levels too.
Hence the vomiting everytime we got off the highway on our way to church on Sunday mornings.
In the meantime, I can hardly get out of bed.
I'm exhausted and irritable, and I don't feel like myself.
I go for a physical and am referred to an endocrinologist for a nodule on my thyroid.
Within one year's time, we go from no medications or doctors to two children and myself on medications for conditions we can't control.
In the meantime, I'm still struggling to homeschool.
The biggest struggle isn't the schoolwork......it's GETTING to the schoolwork.
There are so many distractions in a tiny house packed with children and all their stuff.
Especially when you're constantly monitoring blood sugar numbers and medications, and toddlers, and a baby, and ADHD.
ADHD doesn't just manifest itself in being crazy hyper.
It's also sassy and disorganized and messy and aggressive and defiant.
It gets bored in 30 seconds and looks for something to keep it moving....usually by picking on a younger sibling.
So I say all of this....not to complain.
Not as an invitation to you to come join my pity party.

But to ask you to consider what is going on in your neighbor's life.
Or the life of your adult child.
Or the life of one of your fellow church members.
Or the life of the wife of your youth pastor.
Or the life of your spouse.

Why don't you offer to DO something to help shoulder the load they might have?
If you know a family who is living with Type 1 Diabetes.....
ask them if they have any financial needs?
Can you help them with groceries {or diapers or pull-ups} since the cost of medications and equipment for this condition is astronomical?
Would you consider keeping their child overnight so they can have one or two meals where they don't have to count carbohydrates and think about medications to cover their child's food?
How about giving the child a piece of super cool medical alert jewelry that their parent's can't afford or maybe funding that adorable medications bag that they have to take EVERYWHERE with them that contains medical supplies?
Just to distract from how frightening this disease is to live with?

If you know a family who has ONE child with ADHD......
Consider having that child over for just a couple hours {overnight would be better} to play or do crafts, so his parents can have some quiet time?
Some time without the stress.....the constant correcting......the refereeing between siblings?
Maybe you could take that child under your wing and do something special with them every WEEK?
They rarely get positive interaction.
They make everyone around them so frustrated that they daily have somebody upset with them.
They need special, intense coaching to know how to interact appropriately on a social level.
They always have to have the last word.....which causes constant friction with parents.
Consider asking me if my child could use some fun tutoring?
I'll tell you that they would LOVE it.....and so would I.
Someone who loves my children as much as I do and actually wants to do something meaningful for them and wants to see them grow up and be successful?

And don't just say...."I just don't know how you do it."
Because I don't.
We don't do it.......well.
We are barely surviving.
Pray for us.
Call us every week and offer to take a couple children to the park with your children.
I need a break.
I need to have some time to read a book, create something pretty, find new recipes for our extremely picky ADHD children.....clean my bathroom.
Don't give me a book to read.....I don't have time to read.
Don't pat me on the back, smile, and say, "I just don't know how you do it."
Don't ignore that I'm drowning.
If it looks like it might be crazy, ask.
Ask if I need some help....don't wait for me to ask you.....I don't have time to go to the bathroom....
much less make a phone call.
If you wake up with a entire glorious day spread out in front of you with nothing to do, and you wonder how on earth you can fill the time?
Give me a CALL??
Come clean my children's rooms and organize them for me?
I'm burnt out on doing that every week, and it looking no better the following day.
Offer to clean out my vehicle.
I just can't get to that.
Children already are notorious for leaving everything they own in the vehicle but compound that with 6 children who don't like the way shoes feel on their feet?

Come fold and put away my laundry for me?
There is laundry hanging over us every. single. day.
We have no laundry room.
It stacks up in my bedroom until I can get to that too.

Should I really have to ask for help?
I'm not good at that.
I can cook, and entertain children, and make lovely desserts and crafts and.....
all while drowning.
But I don't generally like to ask for help.
I guess I wasn't raised that way.
It's not an excuse.
I'm just explaining why I do what I do,

Doesn't everyone do better with some encouragement?
Look around you.
Lend a hand.
Be Jesus to someone desperate to know if they are even close to doing the right thing.
Give them hope that everything will turn out all right.
Let them know you are on their side and holding their hand as they go through very dark places.
Don't just pray...though that is the FIRST thing that should be done.
DO!
And learn that not only can you BE a blessing to those who are struggling, but you will find joy and encouragement for your own life because you gave.