Our red-head goes on a journey {part 4}

The trip was long and grueling.

8 hour flight from Dallas to London.

Layover in London.

6 hour flight from London to Accra, Ghana.

One night in an African hotel before an 8-hour bus ride to Techiman, Ghana.

We were relieved to learn that it was smooth and uneventful.

No one lost a single piece of luggage.

No one had gotten sick {yet.}

Everyone made it through every check point with every piece of documentation in place.

When Lexi and the rest of the team arrived at their final destination,

she found she would be staying with 3 other girls and one lady team member at a national pastor's home.

They were all so happy to get showers (cold showers felt great since they had no air conditioning),
and go to bed.
Sleeping was a bit of a challenge that first night with the 5-hour time difference from home,
only ceiling fans and no air conditioning, and the dogs sleeping on the front porch that would randomly
howl and fight through-out the night!
Then there was the Muslim call to prayer at 4 am that was broadcast throughout the village
via the megaphone like speakers mounted on poles.

In the morning, they lifted their eyes.....they looked on the "fields."
And they were really...truly white unto harvest.
{John 4:35}

In ways they had never seen before.

Our red-head goes on a journey {part 3}

**Continuing the series on our oldest daughter's amazing journey this summer.

We had a couple weeks worth of repairs done on our house in August, and 

then a special birthday to celebrate.

Trying to get caught up on all the journaling of all the grace.

Thank you for understanding.**

{Lexi with other girls on the team with Abby photobombing on the right!}

Send-off day finally arrived.

We had prepared for this day for nearly 10 months.

We had sent out 50 letters to family and friends asking for their prayer and financial support,

and the response had been overwhelming.

Some families sent $300, 

some $25,

some $100,

some $10,

one sent $500,

and all sent their prayers as well!

We could feel that on that day.

She was a bit anxious, but excited.

I was so very excited for her, but anxious.

I was not at all worried for her safety.....I can only attribute that to the peace of God that passeth all understanding.

But I was feeling emotional because I knew she was embarking on a journey that could possibly set the course of her destiny.

She has been telling us for awhile now that she thinks the Lord might be calling her to the mission field.

I was excited for her to get her feet wet in that ministry.

To see what missionary life is like......on a very short term, more controlled basis.

To see what it was like to live without air conditioning,

and limited food options,

and limited medical resources,

and physically taxing travel situations,

and limited communication with her family,

spiritual challenges,

as well as amazing spiritual victories!

I was excited for her to experience how thrilling it is to travel and see parts of the world we've only read about.

To see parts of the world that I've dreamed of seeing since I was 11 years old.

I felt like I sending her off on the adventure I always hoped to have,

and was praying that she would catch the importance of this journey.

{The whole crew saying goodbye...minus one wandering sister.}

Our red-head goes on a journey {part 2}

How do you prepare a teenager to see a world she has never seen before?

Of course there are the practical things.

Finding a local place that accepts a passport application.

Learning that we would have to send off for an original birth certificate (that we never needed before) from the state we don't live in anymore.

Figuring out all the documentation necessary to apply for a visa necessary for entry into the country.

Sending the brand new passport and original birth certificate back to Washington, D.C with lots of prayer that it returns in time for the trip.

Researching and praying about all the recommended vaccinations.

Deciding what she would and would not receive.

Finding the local health department that gives the mandatory yellow fever vaccination along with documentation that is necessary to enter the country.

It was an amazing opportunity for all us parents to have the missionary Lexi's team would be working with in Ghana at our church for several months in the fall.
He did several training sessions with all the team members as well as for the family members.
We were able to learn some songs in the Twe (Tree) language, as well as sample some of the food typically served in that region.
We learned about malaria and the different medications available to prevent it.
We learned about the appropriate clothing to wear in a culture that is predominately muslim.
He also taught us how the people there worship many gods and often view Jesus Christ simply as another god to worship.

Lexi also spent a couple days in Child Evanglism seminars and learned how to do these:

Then, of course, there was the physical packing:

She needed bedding.

And craft supplies for VBS.

And American OTC remedies for bodily upsets.

And bug spray....

with deet.

And lots of sunscreen.....

because she is a ginger.

Clothes....for 15 days....with no guarantee of laundry facilities.

Snacks.

And anti-bacterial wipes.....

for Mom's sake.

But was it all enough?

How do you prepare your child to see the world...through the eyes of the Loving Father who created it?

To feel His heartbeat for those souls who may never hear of His work completed on the cross that they might spend eternity with Him.

To see past poverty....

Pride....

Color....

Smells....

Wealth.....

Cultural differences?

To see what our God sees?

That we all depend on that next breath, and sleep, and a little nourishment.

And that often what seems to widen the gap between us is what actually draws us very near to each other.......that gnawing void in each and every human, no matter what color or country native we are.

That need for Jesus. 

Our red-head goes on a journey {part 1}

Over a year ago, our oldest daughter came home from youth group at church nearly breathless with excitement.
"Do you know where the mission's trip is going to be next year (2013)?"
"GHANA....in Africa."
"Can I go, Mom?"

She was not yet 15.
But then, this child has always been fearless.
I once told my husband (who sometimes hesitates with a touch of fear),

"Fear is simply denying the presence of God in your life."

Our only "ginger" has rarely struggled with fear....of anything.
In fact, I've often described her as a  wild horse that we have been given with a long-flowing, tangled, red mane.  We are simply along for the ride and struggle everyday to keep control of the reins!!

From infancy, this child has thought outside the box.
She got bored quickly with her toys.
She loved to play outside.
She hated naps.
She seemed to hate sleep in general.
She talked ALL the time.
She was a social butterfly who loved people....ALL people.
And, she was constantly doing something with something in her hands.
This was the child who made a donation box from an oatmeal carton and went door-to-door in our neighborhood to collect money to help those affected by Hurricane Katrina...in 2005...when she was 8.
She came home with $45...which we took to our local Kroger's donation center.
This is the child who just a year ago, with tears in her eyes, made me take her to a place where she could use her own money to buy a homeless man some lunch.
He told us we were "angels."
Gifts.
These were all gifts for this Mama.
To count the ways God was working in her heart....we had nothing to do with this.

When she was not yet 13, a group of youth started preparing for what would have been her very first opportunity to go on an international mission trip.
We thought there was no-way we were sending her that young.
Not when she rarely had her head out of the clouds.

But I knew she would be chomping at the bit to go at the very next opportunity!!

We had been preparing her for this.
Praying for God to give her a heart to think outside of herself.
To want to share her faith with those who might never have an opportunity to hear.
To not be overly focused with material possessions and having all the latest designer bags and creams and lotions and bling.
We want her to be less entangled with the things of this world, so she can go wherever God might call her to go and be able to focus on people.
To learn to do more with less.
To use her ingenious imagination and figure out ways to serve Him with what He's already given her.

When we trust that He is a good God, and we open our hand to receive the gifts He gives us everyday, we learn to surrender to His will for us.

"I either take the "what is it?" manna with thanks, eat the mystery of the moment with trust, and am nourished another day - or refuse it....and die.  Jesus calls me to surrender and there's nothing like releasing fears and falling into peace.  It terrifies, true.  But it exhilarates......
There is no joy without trust!
To the Enfleshed Yes who said yes to this moment and yes to last year's illness and yes to the cracks of my childhood and yes to the nail and yes to my name in the Book of Life, hear me say YES!
Not "I'm worried."
Not "I'm stressed out."
Not "I'm anxious."
Not "I'm too afraid."
Hear me say thank you.
Hear me say YES!  
Watch me live a life of yes. To all that was and is and is to come.
The power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-Enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even it it's caving, in God even when it's black, in manna-nourishment even when we don't know what it is.
The God whom we thank for fulfilling the promises of the past will fulfill His promises again.
In Christ, the answer to the questions of every moment is always Yes."
~Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

So, we said YES!!

"Straining gnats, Swallowing Camels"

"Free from the law--O happy condition!

Jesus has bled, and there is remission;

Cursed by the law and bruised by the fall,

Grace has redeemed us once for all."

P.P Bliss

Today will be my final installment in this little series about Spiritual Abuse.
This has been such a burden on my heart in recent months as I've become more aware of what this actually looks like in comparison to our loving, gracious, Heavenly Father.
I love the title (that came straight from the book I've been referencing!), and have found this topic particularly helpful in spotting a religious system that is "Pharisaical" and potentially abusive.

Jesus Himself had a lot to say to the Pharisees.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!

For you tithe mint and dill and cummin,

and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law:

justice and mercy and faithfulness;

but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.

You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!

Matthew 23:23, 24"

"Under Levitical law, both the camel and the gnat were considered ceremonially unclean.
Obviously, it was easier to avoid swallowing a camel than a gnat.
Gnats were a tougher matter.  You had to work to avoid them.
Bugs were everywhere.  In the making of wine, for instance, there was no refrigeration, no filtering system, and the pressing of grapes was done by foot in large, open vats.
A significant number of "unclean" guests made their way into the wine.  Still pretending they could avoid any unclean intrusion, the Pharisees sifted their wine through their teeth and then picked out the bugs with their fingers.  The meaning of Jesus' confrontation could not be lost on them.
'You put incredible amounts of energy into things of little consequence (dill, mint, and cummin),
but you swallow the camel (immorality, injustice, lying, hypocrisy).
You have inverted spiritual values.'"

If I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousand times.

Listening to southern gospel music (which actually takes the work of Christ too lightly and has too contemporary of a beat) is considered unacceptable but having a lack of discipline with your health and being a glutton is completely overlooked.

Going to the movies requires repentance and a trip to the altar on Sunday morning, but treating your wife like a business partner or your hired maid (complete with derogatory jokes and comments) is considered funny.

Wearing a suit and tie (for men) or certain length of dress/skirt (for women) is mandatory for acceptable Christianity, but having a closet sexual addiction (pornography, molesting young girls in the church) is never addressed or "swept under the rug."

"In the church where I (David Johnson) grew up, we very carefully monitored external behaviors, carefully sifting out even such 'evils' as bowling.  I used to wonder why bowling so evil, while being a dried-up old sourpuss was okay.  Having long hair, for men, was definitely a sign that you were damned to hell, but malicious gossip was no big deal."

Are you a part of a "church" that has a lengthy list of "unspoken" rules you have to follow if you're to be considered a "good Christian?"   Don't get me wrong here.  It is important to follow scriptural guidelines and principles when it comes to our daily life.  I'm not dismissing the Ten Commandments nor the commands in scripture that God has laid out for all believers to live obedient and holy lives.  

Lives separate....set apart....for Him.

But this thing of man made rules that have been passed down through the years, that add weight to "religion," weight that Jesus Christ never intended for us to have to bear.

His death was meant to set us FREE from all the laws.....not strap us down.

Fill us with joy.....not to burden us.

Surely we all understand that we are not meant to take advantage of this freedom:

"What then?  shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace?

God forbid.

Romans 6:15"

But surely we need to understand that "walking the walk, and talking the talk" do not make us more acceptable in God's sight.....only in the sight of  "Christians."

"When all is said and done, abusive spirituality is more interested in supporting doctrines (spiritual mindsets, mentalities, ways of viewing God) than in supporting people.

It is not interested in learning the true conditions in which God builds a living relationship with people -- by grace, for free, to become a wellspring of inner spiritual resource.  For God Himself is interested in men and women finding the right way to connect with and draw life from Him."

(All quotes taken from "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen)

"The Weight of Religion"

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For My yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11: 28-30

I have to be honest here, and confess that for the very longest time, I honestly did not understand that passage of scripture.

Yeah, sure, I heard it and it computed in my brain, but I just did not understand how the Christian life was a place of "rest," or this "yoke" Jesus spoke of was "easy."

It didn't make sense to me.

How can you "rest" when you're supposed to be busy about the Lord's work, all the time?

I was so tired.....all. the. time.

After getting four little active children (8 years old and under) ready for Sunday School, being 8 months pregnant, playing the organ for morning church services, making sure the nursery was covered for all services, and that the Sunday School teachers had everything they needed for class, I had a hard time switching over to worship mode for the morning service.

Then there was the planning, organizing, staffing, purchasing, and training for the upcoming Vacation Bible School.

Oh, and remember, all the planning, organizing, crafting, and playing piano for the Wednesday evening children's programs.

Usually, by the time we were heading home, I was more discouraged than when I walked in the front door.

I remember feeling like I hardly ever had a chance for quiet, meaningful worship because of all the things I was responsible for that were distracting my mind.

There was no "rest" in that.

Never any time for my own private, quiet worship.  Not even at church.

Now, my husband and I were on staff, but some things had changed for us in the 5 years or so since we had taken that position and I had happily and eagerly agreed to help out in those areas of children's ministry.

The dynamics of our family had changed, and it was becoming more and more difficult to manage everything at home as well as preparing for some area of children's ministry every time we walked into church.

In retrospect, I understand the problem wasn't in the fact that no one at that small church ever offered to take over one of those responsibilities or suggest that I need to scale back somewhat to better tend to my own children.

The biggest problem lied in the fact that I thought because I was "originally" the youth pastor's wife, that if I said, "I can't do this anymore," that maybe we would lose some folks from our congregation because there wouldn't be as much available for the children.  I truly felt, that if I didn't do this (even if I was begin to feel burnt out on it), no one else would.

And I just couldn't let all the work we had done in building up the children's ministries dissolve, and the new families that had come to our church have nothing for their children.

Ridiculous, I know.

But never did anyone point out any differently.  In fact, I felt it was expected.

With as difficult it was to find and keep "helpers" and "teachers,"  I knew that if I stepped down there would be no replacement and the program would most likely, eventually...maybe even immediately, fold.

So, that also meant, that there would be no Wednesday evening programs for my own children...no Vacation Bible School, and no one to coordinate the nursery for my youngest children. 

Not that programs are what build a church, but families do look for help with teaching their children and opportunities for them to grow and learn in an atmosphere that is on their age level.

I had started out really enjoying these ministries and getting them off the ground, but as my home life was growing, my time was getting slimmer.

Whenever I would hear these verses, I just couldn't see how this "burden was light."

I thought I was supposed to have the "joy of the Lord" all the time, and if I grumbled that there must be a "spiritual problem."

In their book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, David Johnson and Jeff Vanvonderen put it this way:

"In a works-righteousness system, if you stumble under the load you are carrying, the ministry you will receive will not be mercy and grace.  You will not hear Matthew 5:3:

'Blessed are the poor in spirit' -

that is, 'Blessed are those who recognize they can't carry the load' - 'for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.'

Rather, you will be encouraged to 'try a little harder' and 'do a little more.'

In some cases you may be shamed for 'not being committed enough.' "

Performance-based Christianity manifests itself this way:

"After having understood the truth of Ephesians 2:8-9....

"For by grace you have been saved...."

and having a load of sin removed for salvation, we then lay on a load of personal performance for sanctification, service, and to receive further blessings."

"It works something like this.  We are very careful to help people understand that Jesus is their only hope salvation.

'He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy (Titus 3:5)

But for successful Christian living, we give the same message they had to reject in order to get saved.

'Just do it.'

'Try hard.'

'Do more.'

'It's up to you.'

We pile up a load of expectations, regulations, formulas, and rules.  Almost without noticing, we begin to live the same way we did before we met Jesus, hoping that with all our effort we will someday, some way, measure up.  But we never do measure up; we continue to carry the load and we call it 'the abundant life.'

This dynamic is really not that hard to spot. 

In a performance-based system, you will be the bearer of the burden.  

In a grace-based system, you will be constantly directed to Jesus as your only hope,

encouraged to rest in Him as your only source of life and power."

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us,

let us lay aside every encumbrance (weight), and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of faith.."

Hebrews 12:1

Could this also apply to the "weight of religion" that He never intended for us to pick up,

and the sins of pride that inevitably arise when entangled in a performance-based religion?

Pondering today.

An ugly example of a spiritually abusive system

I'm not usually one to speak out on things pertaining to church systems.
Certainly, I am not an authority on ecclesiastical matters.
But I do attend church.
I have attended several different church denominations in my lifetime.
From Evangelical Mennonite and Christian and Missionary Alliance in my childhood in Ohio to Independent Baptist and Bible churches in my early adult life.
Currently, my husband and I attend a wonderful Independent Fundamental Baptist Church in Texas.
Recently, in the last two or three years, we have been following a disturbing "sub-branch" of this denomination that I feel I cannot stay mute on any longer.

When you hear of something that you cannot believe, it's always best to research it and really get the facts before you feed the flame of rumors that can hurt many, many people.
I am not one to want to start a controversy either.
But I do feel strongly that when you become aware of something terribly wrong....criminal...to stay silent is to be complicit.
And on this I cannot be.
Not any longer.

I want to speak out on the dangers of "man-worship" vs. God worship.
How this can create a culture, an environment, that fosters sexual, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse.
I'm not speaking of having a deep respect and admiration for your pastor or church leader, but I'm referring to when a man becomes so revered that he has no accountability, and such tight control on people that they are intentionally manipulated to feed his selfish ego, and becomes a celebrity that can do no wrong.
No preacher, no shepherd, no pastor should ever allow himself to become that to his people.

I've been taught to believe that one red flag of a cult is when a man (or an entire organization)  is put in the position of God......
when that man (or organization) is allowed to be the ultimate authority in people's lives and makes the rules that people feel compelled to live by.

A pastor may be a cult leader if:
.....the church members feel they must ask his permission to go on vacation especially if it means they will be missing church services.
.....his family members are stopped in public places by other people and asked to sign their Bibles.
.....church members hear similar sermons over and over on the "fundamentalist trinity of hair, music and women in pants."
......sexual abuse allegations in the church or rumors of inappropriate behavior by the pastor result in "church discipline" where the alleged victim is often communicated as being "consenting" in the relationship or somehow brought it on by her "immodest dress or behavior."  The alleged perpetrator's "crime" is swept under the rug while the alleged victim is swept out of the church.  All to protect the image of this cult leader and his church.
.....he has an anger problem.
.....there is a statue of the pastor in front of the church.

Don't get me wrong here.
This can and does happen in all denominations across the board.
This is sin.
It's completely deviant from what the Lord laid out in scripture regarding church leadership.
But this is near and dear to my heart because there are churches in my own denomination who are full of well-meaning, God-fearing, kind people who have gotten entangled and starry-eyed, and ultimately brainwashed into this cultish sub-branch that takes on a culture of its own!

For many years I've been acquainted with the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana.
For years, there have been disconcerting and disturbing reports of immoral and even criminal behavior that has gone on unconfronted.
It all started when their pastor, Jack Hyles, got bit by the venomous snake of power and he began to abuse his authority, take advantage of those under his leadership, and manipulate everyone around him for his own benefit.
All in the name of the Lord.
With scripture verses to back up his every move.
And as his reign was drawing to a close, he began grooming his successor.
He hand-picked him.
The next Jack.
Even married him into the Hyles family.
Jack Schaap married Cindy Hyles.
And this Jack took up the crown with such charisma and talent that it was hard to deny his calling.

His rise to power was so flamboyant though that those around him barely noticed some very troubling things about this man.
The people of this church had become so accustomed to the culture set up by the previous Jack that these things didn't even seem off.

I mean......really.....NOBODY stood up and shouted from the rooftops "Foul" when this man preached a sermon to an enormous group of youth entitled "A Polished Shaft."
I personally have not watched it.
I don't need to.
If you do, google it.
But how can something like that NOT raise eyebrows?
Or his heretical, blasphemous book entitled, "Marriage: The Divine Intimacy."
You don't need a master's degree in theology to see how off this man's interpretation of scripture is!!
And somebody PUBLISHED this stuff?
How does this happen?

Here's how:
Sin.
Plain and simple.
All the brainwashing, the manipulation, the deception, the power hungry egos, the lure of fame and prestige and ultimately the sexual abuse....can be traced back to the Garden of Eden and the "lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life."
But on a more practical level, it can be traced back to putting a man in a place that only our Holy God should be.
It can also be traced back to fear and silence.
When a church's system is fear-based as opposed to grace-based, you foster an atmosphere for man-worship on a cultish level.
It is spiritual abuse.

Fortunately, God is still on the throne and He intervened in a most powerful way at the First Baptist Church of Hammond.
Finally, Jack Schaap got caught.
It seems that some of those closest to him were indeed concerned about some of his behavior.
They saw a frightening pattern of deception that was spiraling out-of-control.
And providentially, by God, an image popped up on his cell-phone on the pulpit of his church and an associate of his found it.
And turned him in to the authorities.
And recently he was sentenced to 12 years in federal prison for his crime.
I, personally, do not believe that this was his only victim either.
Typically, this type of criminal behavior is only the tip of the iceberg and the only one that was "caught."
He was so good at his manipulation and deception and planning that he clearly was a master that had perfected his craft over years of practice.

The most profound and moving public statement on this whole fiasco was penned by Linda Murphrey.
She is another daughter of Jack Hyles, sister to Cindy Schaap.
Listen to her tell her story here.
Then read her letter to the people of the church she clearly cared about:

Open letter to First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana

My point in all of this is that I do not want to be among those who are silent about this type of leadership.

I cannot "join hands" or be "in fellowship" with brand of Christianity.

There is a big doctrine that Independent Fundamental Baptist churches stand on and that is the doctrine of separation.

Separation from those things of our society and world systems and philosophies that would confuse or possibly tarnish the image of Jesus Christ.

Separation from those things clearly spoken of as sin in scripture.

Separation from those things that would mar our presentation as the Bride of Christ when He returns for us.

Sexual abuse of any kind, lying, deception, manipulation, self-gratifying motivations.
I feel that I must be separate from that kind of behavior.
I don't want to be associated with it.
I don't want people confused in thinking that I might possibly condone that or be among those that cover it up!

I cannot stay silent any longer and by my silence, condone it.